The Dog Ate More Than the Homework

You have tickets to the Super Bowl. You have a chance to see the Patriots try to complete their 19-0 quest, something that may not happen again for another three decades, or ever for that matter. You shelled out $1,800 for your tickets and are only a week away from going to the biggest sporting event of your life. Life couldn’t be better.

You come home and are taken aback when you see scraps of an envelope littering your foyer. Your dog, Buddy, doesn’t run to greet you like normal. He seems a little off, ashamed even. You lean in to pet Buddy, to see what’s wrong with him, and his breath smells like cardboard, Roger Goodell’s hairspray and Tom Brady’s aftershave.

Then it hits you. Buddy ate your Super Bowl tickets.

Dana Jacobsen Should Have Been A Sailor

1. “Cold Pizza” works well for hangovers
Dana Jacobsen, host of ESPN’s morning show “First Take” and former host of ESPN’s “Cold Pizza” is apparently not a fan of the Fighting Irish. At ESPN’s roast of radio hosts Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg, Jacobsen took it upon herself not to roast everyone’s least favorite odd couple, but roast the world’s most well known religious figure instead. We can understand that Greenberg’s eyes are dreamy, Dana, but that doesn’t mean that he is Jesus. Jacobsen, who was apparently swigging vodka from a Belvedere vodka like a college girl who is about to have a rough night on frat row, took to the podium and began her own roast of Notre Dame and Christianity. She kept it short, sweet, and to the point. It went a little something like this…
“f… Notre dame”
“f….touchdown Jesus”
“f…. Jesus.”
Did we mention that ESPN is owned by ABC which is owned by Disney? Not sure if Mickey Mouse is going to be too happy with one of his employees spouting that out over national airwaves. If any of you are interested in working at ESPN, we hear that a position on the morning show just opened up.
(As a side note, we do believe that Touchdown Jesus is highly overrated.)

Honor Brett Farve: Tie up your kid

1. He loves him some Green Bay Packers
Last week, the Green Bay Packers hammered the Seattle Seahawks at Lambeau Field, causing great jubilation in Packers nation.
We would never chastise anyone for having pride in their team or even trying to make those close to them understand just how amazing their team is, but one Green Bay fan took it a bit too far. Mathew Kowald of Wisconsin really wanted his 7-year-old son to become a true cheesehead. When Kowald’s son refused to don a green and yellow packers jersey to celebrate the victory over the Seahawks, Kowald took it upon himself to make sure that his son would wear the jersey, so he tied the boy up and taped a Packers jersey on him in an effort to make his son understand the importance of Packer pride.

So, what was the result of tying up his son? Did the young lad become a Packer fan for life? Did he vow to go to every game with his father? Did he make a paper mache statue of Brett Favre and rub its head before he went to bed every night?

No. The kid cried and screamed as his mother took camera phone pictures, sent them to the police, had Kowald arrested and file a restraining order against him. Kowald insists that the incident was nothing more than a joke. We always thought tying up little kids was hilarious too. Maybe this guy should open up a day care center. We’re glad that his wife was able to put a restraining order on him. What would have happened if he had been around his kid when the Packers lost to the Giants in the NFC title game?