Honor Brett Farve: Tie up your kid

1. He loves him some Green Bay Packers
Last week, the Green Bay Packers hammered the Seattle Seahawks at Lambeau Field, causing great jubilation in Packers nation.
We would never chastise anyone for having pride in their team or even trying to make those close to them understand just how amazing their team is, but one Green Bay fan took it a bit too far. Mathew Kowald of Wisconsin really wanted his 7-year-old son to become a true cheesehead. When Kowald’s son refused to don a green and yellow packers jersey to celebrate the victory over the Seahawks, Kowald took it upon himself to make sure that his son would wear the jersey, so he tied the boy up and taped a Packers jersey on him in an effort to make his son understand the importance of Packer pride.

So, what was the result of tying up his son? Did the young lad become a Packer fan for life? Did he vow to go to every game with his father? Did he make a paper mache statue of Brett Favre and rub its head before he went to bed every night?

No. The kid cried and screamed as his mother took camera phone pictures, sent them to the police, had Kowald arrested and file a restraining order against him. Kowald insists that the incident was nothing more than a joke. We always thought tying up little kids was hilarious too. Maybe this guy should open up a day care center. We’re glad that his wife was able to put a restraining order on him. What would have happened if he had been around his kid when the Packers lost to the Giants in the NFC title game?

2. That special part of the female anatomy
The re-building of New Orleans is getting a little extreme. City planners are going well beyond simply rebuilding the city. They are turning the city’s biggest landmark into everyone’s favorite body part. In an effort to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the famed “Vagina Monologues‚” the city is transforming the Superdome into a giant vagina. Here’s a clip from a recent article about the event.
“April 11 and 12 will find the Louisiana Superdome interior turned into a pink and red vagina — “with a big vagina entrance,” Ensler said — as a setting for performance events, parties, parades, workshops, wellness and education programs, speakers, even spa treatments, which will be free to residents of New Orleans and the Gulf South.”
The Saints have never been happier. We came up with some jokes, but they were a little too raunchy for print.
Reggie Bush (joke edited)
Hot dogs (joke edited)
Defensive line getting solid penetration (joke edited)
Gatorade Showers (joke edited)
John Madden (joke really edited)

3. The exact opposite of No. 2
We couldn’t quite believe that this was true, but this is an actual excerpt from a Sports Illustrated article. Apparently Rick Majerus, a famous college basketball coach who is roughly the size of Chris Farley enjoys hanging out in his birthday suit.

Another player remembers Majerus calling him up to his hotel room on various occasions, and “he’d answer the door in his towel and I’d come in and the towel would fall off and it was like nothing had happened. He’d just be standing there buck naked. One year he had this lower-back injury, and he would have the trainer massage it with the ultrasound. But instead of just lowering his pants a little bit, Majerus would pull his pants down to his ankles and sit in a chair and coach us. Sometimes he’d be like, ‘Guys, bring it in, take a knee.’ We’d come in, and we’re just like, No way this is happening.” … Majerus kept telling [former Utah player Michael] Doleac that he needed to keep six inches between himself and his opponent in the post. When Doleac was caught shortly after leaning on his man, the coach erupted. “‘Jesus ****in Christ, Doleac! When a guy catches the ball in the post, you gap him six inches!’” Doleac recalls Majerus yelling. “Then he turns to the guys sitting on the baseline and says, ‘Six f***** inches,’ and he says, ‘the size of the average white d***!’ and pulls it out.”

That’s just gross, we’d much rather walk into the new and improved superdome than have to deal with Majerus’ antics.