LeBron’s Biggest Fan

Two nights ago, LeBron James and the Revolution (see Chappelle’s Show) strolled into Madison Square Garden to take on Isaiah Thomas and his band of flunkies (also see Chappelle’s Show). Before the game LeBron promised he would hang a 50 spot on the artists formerly known as the New York Knicks.

Of course, King James came through with his promise, delivering 50 points en route to the Cavs 119-105 win. Another ho hum night in the world of Lebron, right? Is anyone really surprised that he lived up to his word? We’re not, especially against the Knicks, who need to put a few of their players on Jarred’s Subway diet. It might help them get back and play a little transition D.

But praising LeBron and trashing the Knicks isn’t the point we’re trying to get to. The most exciting moment in the game (other than LeBron’s 40 foot three pointer at the end of the first half) came when a fan, dressed in a LeBron jersey, ran onto the court and told King James to tell him he’s his favorite player and essentially that he worships him. The fan was quickly escorted off of the court by two large white men in suits who have been working at the garden ever since the mafia fell apart years ago. It’s good that everyone can find employment in these tough economic times.

To our surprise, LeBron was pretty pleased with the accolades he received from the crazed fan who walked onto the court, and even seemed to encourage that type of behavior. Here’s his postgame reaction:

“It was a great feeling. You get a fan to come down there to express the way he feels about you…told me I was his favorite player, that never happens. I respect him, I respect his pride and for him to come out there and tell me something like that face to face, it’s the (most) unbelievable thing that ever happened to me.”

LeBron, be careful what you say. Do you want a fan in every NBA city to come up to you every game on the court? People are crazy LeBron. We know your probably not a history buff, but someone did try to kill former President Reagan because they thought it would impress Jodie Foster. There might some more crazies out there like that, you know, trying to impress Jamie Lynn Spears.

LeBron said, “It’s the most unbelievable thing that’s ever happened to me.” Really, is a crazy guy telling you you’re his favorite player really the most unbelievable thing that’s ever happened to you? How about your 100+ million dollar Nike contract, or the fact that you were drafted first overall and drew immediate comparisons to Michael Jordan? We would even bet that that halfcourt shot you hit against the Knicks is better than some kind words from a stalker. And how many ridiculously insane, Cinemax-esque sexual escapades have you taken part in? You’re telling us those aren’t the most unbelievable things that have ever happened to you? Magic Johnson had sex with five women in an elevator once, we’re sure you’ve topped that.

Bonds, Steinbrenner and Erin Andrews, oh my

1. Barry the builder?
If you are white or Asian, don’t ask Barry Bonds to build you a house, it’s just not going to happen. Some of Bonds’ sealed testimony was recently leaked, and while it provided few juicy steroid-related details, we did get to learn about the rules and regulations Bonds would impose if he were a steroid-using contractor instead of a steroid-using baseball player. Here’s a fun quote from a Q and A session with federal investigators.
Q: “With all the money you make, have you ever thought of maybe building him (former personal trainer Greg Anderson) a mansion or something?”
A: “One, I’m black. And I’m keeping my money. And there’s not too many rich black people in this world. And I’m keeping my money. There’s more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. There ain’t that many rich black people. And I ain’t giving my money up. That’s why.”
First of all, that is a mentally challenged question. Second of all, why didn’t Barry just say, “it’s my money, I’m not going to build him a house, even if he is my friend.” Why did black people and white people and Asian people and Caucasian people get dragged into this hypothetical house-building scenario? Which brings us to our final question for Barry. Barry, you mention both white people and Caucasian people. Are they different? Have we been filling out our SAT bubble sheets wrong all along? If Caucasian is the only option and we are white, should we put other? We hope to hear back from Barry soon to clear up this confusion, and we’re thinking of adding a sun-room to the back of the house, hopefully he can give us an estimate.

2. The Bronx is continuing to burn
Now that George Steinbrenner has had his things packed up for him and been moved into a nursing home, where we hear he is “The Boss” of the canasta team, his son Hank is picking up right where daddy left off by throwing around money left and right (the Yankees new stadium will cost $1.3 billion) and by losing his head quicker than a bobblehead doll in an earthquake. Here’s what he said about the Red Sox:
“Red Sox Nation?” Hank says. “What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country.”
As a response, Red Sox owner John Henry has made baby Steinbrenner a member of Red Sox nation, complete with a newsletter, bumper stickers, seats at Fenway and a hat autographed by Big Papi, David Ortiz himself.
We couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.

3. College basketball fan posterboard-sign of the week
We know, we know, you’re sick of having to read about Erin Andrews. We’ve written about her quite a bit over the last few weeks, but she is only the greatest woman alive? Do you know any other lady that could make dress pants look sexy while asking LeBron James how he reacted to the Bull’s choice to switch to a box and one zone midway through the third quarter? We didn’t think so. So, we will continue to chronicle any Erin Andrews related material that we can dig up, partially in hopes that she stumbles across a copy of the Emory Wheel and gives us a call (please, Erin, please!) Without further adieu, here is this week’s bit of Ms. Andrews news.
At the recent Kansas/Kansas State game, a Kansas fan held up a sign that highlights his appreciation for Ms. Andrews’ love of the game of hoops. It read:
“Erin Andrews loves the hardwood.”
If that doesn’t get you excited, we don’t know what will.

4. The, ‘honey I’m sorry we missed getting to the movie theater to see “Fool’s Gold” on time, there were only 40 seconds left in the game, I had no idea it would take that long’ stat of the week.
Saturday’s Georgetown-Marquette match-up proved to be a thrilling game. It did get a little slow, however. The last 40 seconds of the game took 10 minutes of real time to come to an end. If you did miss your screening of “Fool’s Gold” because the game ran long and had to see “No Country for Old Men” again instead, we salute you. It seems timeouts can save lives.