Bonds, Steinbrenner and Erin Andrews, oh my

1. Barry the builder?
If you are white or Asian, don’t ask Barry Bonds to build you a house, it’s just not going to happen. Some of Bonds’ sealed testimony was recently leaked, and while it provided few juicy steroid-related details, we did get to learn about the rules and regulations Bonds would impose if he were a steroid-using contractor instead of a steroid-using baseball player. Here’s a fun quote from a Q and A session with federal investigators.
Q: “With all the money you make, have you ever thought of maybe building him (former personal trainer Greg Anderson) a mansion or something?”
A: “One, I’m black. And I’m keeping my money. And there’s not too many rich black people in this world. And I’m keeping my money. There’s more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. There ain’t that many rich black people. And I ain’t giving my money up. That’s why.”
First of all, that is a mentally challenged question. Second of all, why didn’t Barry just say, “it’s my money, I’m not going to build him a house, even if he is my friend.” Why did black people and white people and Asian people and Caucasian people get dragged into this hypothetical house-building scenario? Which brings us to our final question for Barry. Barry, you mention both white people and Caucasian people. Are they different? Have we been filling out our SAT bubble sheets wrong all along? If Caucasian is the only option and we are white, should we put other? We hope to hear back from Barry soon to clear up this confusion, and we’re thinking of adding a sun-room to the back of the house, hopefully he can give us an estimate.

2. The Bronx is continuing to burn
Now that George Steinbrenner has had his things packed up for him and been moved into a nursing home, where we hear he is “The Boss” of the canasta team, his son Hank is picking up right where daddy left off by throwing around money left and right (the Yankees new stadium will cost $1.3 billion) and by losing his head quicker than a bobblehead doll in an earthquake. Here’s what he said about the Red Sox:
“Red Sox Nation?” Hank says. “What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country.”
As a response, Red Sox owner John Henry has made baby Steinbrenner a member of Red Sox nation, complete with a newsletter, bumper stickers, seats at Fenway and a hat autographed by Big Papi, David Ortiz himself.
We couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.

3. College basketball fan posterboard-sign of the week
We know, we know, you’re sick of having to read about Erin Andrews. We’ve written about her quite a bit over the last few weeks, but she is only the greatest woman alive? Do you know any other lady that could make dress pants look sexy while asking LeBron James how he reacted to the Bull’s choice to switch to a box and one zone midway through the third quarter? We didn’t think so. So, we will continue to chronicle any Erin Andrews related material that we can dig up, partially in hopes that she stumbles across a copy of the Emory Wheel and gives us a call (please, Erin, please!) Without further adieu, here is this week’s bit of Ms. Andrews news.
At the recent Kansas/Kansas State game, a Kansas fan held up a sign that highlights his appreciation for Ms. Andrews’ love of the game of hoops. It read:
“Erin Andrews loves the hardwood.”
If that doesn’t get you excited, we don’t know what will.

4. The, ‘honey I’m sorry we missed getting to the movie theater to see “Fool’s Gold” on time, there were only 40 seconds left in the game, I had no idea it would take that long’ stat of the week.
Saturday’s Georgetown-Marquette match-up proved to be a thrilling game. It did get a little slow, however. The last 40 seconds of the game took 10 minutes of real time to come to an end. If you did miss your screening of “Fool’s Gold” because the game ran long and had to see “No Country for Old Men” again instead, we salute you. It seems timeouts can save lives.